Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Businessman

Before school this morning, one of my fourth graders tried selling pencils to his classmates. It didn't go very well, so he turned to me.

"Miss C. You gotta buy my pencils! I'll give you a good deal for them."

"Why are you even selling them? Just let your friends borrow them if you don't need them!"

"Really, though! A man's gotta make a living!"

"You're 10 years old! What bills do you have??"

"I'm going to buy a house one day, Miss C. I've got to start saving now!"

Then by all means, sell your pencils. I am not going to be the reason you will be homeless when you grow up.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Birthday Fun

Parents hate teachers. I know it. Here's how I figured it out: Birthday parties.

It might be April or May-- One of those warm spring months when everyone just wants to be outside playing, but can't because there's enough rain to start the next great lake. It's your child's birthday.

He thinks: I'm going to have a great big class-wide birthday party! All of my friends will be there. It will be awesome!

You think: Ok, remember that D my child got on his last report card? Revenge!

You say: Jimmy! Your birthday is on Thursday! Here's what we're going to do... Get a cake that's the size of a small pony for you to share with your little class. I don't want you to bring any home. Mommy is on a diet and doesn't want to see the cake. We're also going to buy ice cream-- at least two flavors, because not everybody likes vanilla! Again, remember, Mommy's on that diet. Eat every last bit of that ice cream. Love the sugar-high. BE the sugar high. But wait! I just had another idea! BALLOONS! They make great punching bags and you won't get anything done all day because you will all be lusting after the balloons in the back of the classroom. AND you will be the most popular kid in your class.

Well, dear mother of my student, I have some news for you... I'm going to give that sugar to your child right before I send him home to you. Bring. It. On.

*For the record, I have a very supportive group of parents this year, and appreciate all their cooperation with their students' academics. This is nothing personal. This is survival.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Bucket List Update

I've been making progress on my "Bucket List" over the past couple months. My latest attempt: Learning to drive a stick shift. Boyfriend drives a pretty sweet car that I want to drive but cannot, because it's a manual. Ugh. So I'm going to learn how to drive it before he comes back and will drive it... (Hopefully with his permission!)

A good friend of mine is trying to teach me to drive her car, and so far it's been going pretty well! Of course, I will eventually have to manage to drive out of the parking lot... Minor details, right?

Anyway, we were driving around the neglected parking lot of a local gated chapel/event center , when we saw the one other car around leave said parking lot. No problem! Fewer obstacles for me!

Problem... He locked the gate. We were stuck in the parking lot. The one that had "No Trespassing" signs posted EVERYWHERE. We had to go off roading to get out of there.

Lesson learned.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Most little children have the whole fear-of-a-monster-living-under-the-bed-or-in-the-closet at some point in their lives. Let's be honest, you've peed the bed once or twice, too, in your day.

I got a text message from my sister the other day that said something like this: Most kids are afraid of monsters in the closet. Not my kid. My Sweet T is afraid... of pumas in the closet.

He and I had watched "Go, Diego, Go!" the other day, and there was a friendly puma on it. Apparently, even when pumas have an amiable facade, it's obvious that they are not a friendly animal. My brother-in-law had to take T on a tour of the room to prove that there were, indeed, no pumas present before the kiddo would go to sleep.

Like every good aunt, the next time I played with him, I chose the game "OH NO! There's a puma! Hide from the Puma before He Sees You!"

You're welcome, dear sister, for the many sleepless nights to come.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


I know, it's been a while... Sorry, guys!

Today, Steve* said something that was severely incorrect...

John,* who was quick on his feet, responded: "NO! You are wrong! W-O-N-G WRONG! Wait... That's wrong. W-r-o-n-g."

Insert confusion here.

*Names have been changed.