TMI-- Heads Up

Guys. I just had the worst experience of my life.

Ok, that may be a little dramatic. But you get the idea. Here's what happened:

You know Murphy's Law? That's the one that says "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." I have heard several times that this law is particularly applicable when your Marine leaves for an extended period of time (specifically deployments, but really anytime he leaves). Awesome.

I was walking upstairs to go to bed when I saw a cockroach run into the bonus room. Hubby is GONE. Guess who has to kill him! GUESS!

 It's me. Crap.

So I ran into the other room to grab a tennis shoe and ran back to find him gone. Perfect. Cockroach loose in the house. Go team. So I began my search in the room. It took a minute. He was on the far wall. I needed him dead, so I did what any sane woman would do. I ran at him and threw my shoe at him with impeccable accuracy. Seriously, I couldn't throw that well again if I tried. I hit him, and he went down. Any other insect would have died on impact.

Stupid cockroaches never die.

He fell into a pile of speakers and wires and crap. I lost him in that dark, busy corner. Time to find a flashlight. I found one immediately. Naturally, it didn't work. Found another one. Doesn't work either, of course. Meanwhile, the cockroach was still alive in the bonus room. Time to head back and find him amidst the speakers and such... Don't worry. I found him back on the wall. Again... I ran at him with the shoe (because it worked so well last time, right?), but I learned my lesson. I kept my hand on the shoe this time and, again-- with impeccable accuracy-- pinned the cockroach against the wall. I started pounding the bug and screaming at it to "Come on! Just die already!!!!" to no avail. then I remembered I had my phone on me. I called my friend, Caits. That girl is up at crazy hours. Anytime I need to talk to her, she's awake. I can't tell you how many text conversations we've had at 2 am. She answered and I immediately started crying and asked her what to do. She calmed me down quite a bit and we hung up, but I still had the guy pinned to the wall, and couldn't leave because I didn't want to lose him again. I knew my great aim wasn't going to last. I had no idea what to do, so I just kept pounding the cockroach onto the wall and crying. Then my period started. Worst. Timing. Ever. I threw my left hand in the air (because the right was obviously holding the shoe against the wall) and screamed "You have GOT to be kidding me!!"

Then I got angry. "AHHHHH!" Bang, bang, bang, bang! (that's the sound of my shoe on the cockroach and wall)...

He died. He stuck to the wall so I could run and get toilet paper to flush him. I currently have bug body parts stuck to my wall. It'll need a good scrubbing tomorrow.

It was awful. Hubby needs to be home now. That's his job. I'll handle any bug other than cockroaches. Even spiders. I've killed a few of those since moving in. No problem. Bring it on.

I killed a cockroach and started my period at the same time. This is not okay.

The good news: He's dead.

The better news: I'm not pregnant (sorry, Moms).