Monday, July 18, 2011

A Little Soul Searching

I rarely bare my soul via this blog, but the Lord has really convicted me today, and I feel the need to share with my readers (all 2 of you).

I grew up in the church. My family has always been involved in some sort of ministry at every church we've gone to. I've never gone through a super rebellious phase in my life. I was on leadership teams throughout college at my Christian university. I know all the Sunday school answers. I read my Bible and pray regularly. I am a good Christian girl.

But here's the thing... All of those sentences begin with the word "I" (except for the one that starts with "my," but you get the idea). I know what's expected of me, so I do it. And I believe that Jesus died for my sins and that I will spend eternity with Him, but do my actions and thoughts convey this belief? Do I really live my life in a way that says "I am forgiven for everything I've done wrong... EVER?" Does my heart actually understand what that means? My mind gets it. I sin. Jesus died. I get to go to heaven because I've accepted His forgiveness. But have I let this knowledge saturate my heart? If so, my every thought and decision should be based on what would bring God glory, right? What does that even mean?

I'd hate to admit how little I actually know about my Savior. There's a song by Addison Roads that gives me goosebumps because it so accurately states my relationship with the Lord. It says "If You touched my face would I know You? Looked into my eyes could I behold You?"

I think it's time to make my relationship with Jesus about Him. He is Holy. He is Gracious. He is Good. And I can't even begin comprehending what this actually means.

Job 26 sums it up pretty well:
5 “The departed spirits tremble Under the waters and their inhabitants. 6 “Naked is Sheol before Him, And Abaddon has no covering. 7 “He stretches out the north over empty space And hangs the earth on nothing. 8 “He wraps up the waters in His clouds, And the cloud does not burst under them. 9 “He obscures the face of the full moon And spreads His cloud over it. 10 “He has inscribed a circle on the surface of the waters At the boundary of light and darkness. 11 “The pillars of heaven tremble And are amazed at His rebuke. 12 “He quieted the sea with His power, And by His understanding He shattered Rahab. 13 “By His breath the heavens are cleared; His hand has pierced the fleeing serpent. 14 “Behold, these are the fringes of His ways; And how faint a word we hear of Him! But His mighty thunder, who can understand?”

I often share something without knowing if I'm making sense. If not, I apologize. I hope this time I did make sense.

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